I'm one of those people who feels irredeemably stupid if I try to talk to any piece of technology, so I duly turn off Siri on any iOS device I own.
I recently discovered - via my 15-month-old son and his love of all things gadgety that he's not supposed to play with - that disabling Siri in iOS 7.1 (and probably older versions too) automatically enables Voice Control, which can be accessed from the Lock Screen by holding down the Home button. When I say 'discovered', what I actually mean is I found my son holding my phone with a faintly confused friend on the line trying to figure out why he was being gurgled at. It seems that 'da' uttered by an infant is recognised as 'Dan'. Who knew?
Annoyingly, Voice Control cannot be disabled in iOS 7.1 - I ask you, what is the point of implementing fingerprint scanners and remote wipe technology and all that jazz if you are going to force-enable features that a toddler can use to bypass everything and call my mates at 6am?
Anyway, the workaround I've discovered is to re-enable the thrice-damned Siri, then go back to Settings/Touch ID & Passcode and disallow access to Siri when locked. This is enough to make the Lock Screen a sufficient barrier for a small child. I can disable most of Siri's features to keep her quiet - she only shows up if I hold down the Home button after unlocking, which is at least significantly less likely than inquisitive little hands finding my phone on the couch and holding down the inviting button that makes the screen light up on the magic box for a couple of seconds.
Technology is great, no?